Dreams 2.0

Um, I think I want to announce my dream to this blog because I’m just certain it’s right and I think I might follow my progress on here just to see how close I can get. OK.

*Deep breath*

I WANT TO COMPETE IN THE BADMINTON HORSE TRIALS!

Yeah. I don’t even know. I just adore Badminton more than anything. Winning the grand slam. Imagine that. I admire Pippa Funnell so much.

But I can’t. I started riding aged 12 at the end of March 2013. I can’t make Badminton. I’m definitely not good enough. I only just started jumping at a canter last week, aged 13!

I can’t make Badminton!

Sheep

No, this isn’t literally about sheep. I’m talking metaphorically.

Followers. I was in games yesterday when this came to me. I hate games because of this certain boy, let’s call him………….. John. I wanted to use Keegan but that name is waaaay too cute for this boy!

Anyway, John is very competitive. I am rubbish at games. We don’t mix well! He just gets frustrated. The day before was fine because I was with one of my friends. We were playing dodgeball and we were bored so we named these three small red balls: Keegan, Ian and Tyler!

Yesterday was fine because we were playing ultimate frisbee so I avoided the frisbee! But I watched him moan about someone who dropped it so it went to the other team. I was just stood, watching him and then this other girl joined in, followed by another girl and so on.

THEY ARE SHEEP!

So, that was the inspiration for this post.

I hate people and society these days. No one ever thinks for themselves anymore. They’re always too busy trying to fit in, they forget that they are an individual. It’s sad to watch but I suppose we all are like it. I am. I don’t think I’m as bad as other people but I think that might be because I get nervous around people so I’m quiet. But people who talk a lot and aren’t themselves. It’s such a shame.

So, you know. SHEEP!!

Change

Yep. Change. Because I am just that lame!!

I can’t stand change.

So, I was in Spanish just now and for some reason, we were talking about our options. I am scared as hell! I don’t want to pick! I don’t know what I want to do. I mean, I’m doing music for certain but other than that.

It just means moving further forward in life and ITS SCARY! I don’t want to fail life. I can’t. I can’t be a disappointment! Yeah, these are my concerns in life!

Oh, on another random note, yesterday night was bad. Let’s just say I realised my parents still had pills and I was about to use them in the entirely wrong way. Actually, I didn’t just because of my dream. The one I was moaning about on the dreams post! Yeah. Guess it’s not so bad after all……..

Saying Goodbye

I know. I know. This sounds super depressing. It might be. I don’t know.

I wanted to post this yesterday but I’d already posted my other post so I’ll do it today. Yesterday was easily one of the worst this month. It was the 13th. Normal day, right? No.

So, January 13th is my granny’s birthday. I lost her November 2012. It still hurts.

13th of any month. I lost one of my idols. One of the people who saved me. I lost him. July 13th. Cory Allan Michael Monteith. And then found out 3 days later. 3. I was on a horrible trip to Paris with the school without wifi. It was the worst.

Now, put those two together. It’s not nice.

But, the point is, we all have to say goodbye at least once in our life. And, as much as it hurts, it’s just a part of life. Losing them hurts more than anything sometimes but you just need to think of the good times you had with them. I never met Cory. But I think/watch his interviews because he was so goofy and adorable. My favourite one to watch is the time he went on Ellen and got asked about Monchele!

On another note, I’m in a really argumentative mood!!

Dreams

OK. This isn’t going to be one of those ‘follow your dreams’ posts despite the title because being told that really annoys me!

But I’ve had so many dreams. A lot of them revolve around film production but it’s all behind camera because I can’t act to save my life! It’s been animal trainer, animal co-ordinator, writer, even director at one point.

Then I had my author dream were I just wanted to write and write books not like Suzanne Collins because that’s setting standards impossible high but like Lauren St. John. Because I adore her One Dollar Horse books.

And then there was my musician dream. Wow. That one lasted a while but no one knew about it. I wanted to become a songwriter and maybe write/co-write with some amazing artists. I couldn’t really write though so…..

And now I have the biggest, most impossible dream ever. No one knows and I don’t want anyone to know. It’s so embarrassingly impossible. It’s never going to happen so, I don’t know why I want it so bad. I can’t do anything to make it more possible for myself but I can’t stop wanting it.

That is why I hate being told to always follow and work for my dream. I can’t.

And while we are here, if my dream was possible and had nothing to do with school, could I drop out?? Because I hate that place with a passion!

Hi

Um, I don’t know what to say! This is going to be personal with a bunch of random things! Yup. I’m starting another blog since I don’t like the last one much but if I wanted to use it, it’s there. I tried out blogger but in all honesty, I think I get on better with wordpress.

In case anyone wants to look:

Blogger Blog

Old WordPress Blog